From struggle to strength

On a wet evening in February, I stood in a long line waiting to get into the Royal Festival Hall. It would turn out to be one of the most memorable events I have ever attended. I was there, along with hundreds of others, to listen to Gisele Pelicot in conversation with journalist Samira Ahmed.

As we waited for proceedings to begin, the anticipation in the room was palpable. There was a sense of unity, reverence and combined strength. We stood there together in support of a woman who had been through unimaginable trauma, and yet still had chosen to open up her story to the world. Her aim – to inspire others to have the courage to seek justice, and in the process, free themselves of the burden they are carrying. As she says, ‘shame has to change hands‘.

The background

Back in 2020, in Mazan a small town in south west France, a supermarket security guard noticed a man upskirting. He reported him to the police. It was to be the beginning of a long list of horrific revelations. Evidence found on his phone showed him, and many other men, abusing his wife while she was drugged. So powerful were the drugs, that Gisele was completely unaware of what had happened. He had also given her muscle relaxants so she would feel no pain afterwards.

Dominique Pelicot invited a series of strangers he had met on the internet into their home. They were ‘ordinary’ men of all ages and from all walks of life: firemen, nurses, students, councillors, the list goes on. Some were from Mazan itself, a town of only 6 000 residents. Many were married with children, most had no previous convictions. All were prepared to commit such atrocities only to return home afterwards and carry on with life as before. Dominique would sit across from his wife over breakfast the next morning as if nothing had happened. How is that possible?

Unlike most rape cases, where the victim has to decide whether to subject themselves to the extensive, and often intrusive, investigation process, here the police had to inform Gisele about what had been occurring. From that moment on, her world collapsed.

The case finally came to trial in 2024 and was broadcast worldwide.

The evening

As Gisele walked on to the stage, the audience erupted. It was a spine-tingling moment. She looked genuinely shocked to receive such a welcome, and overcome with the support of what was likely more than 2 500 people. It wasn’t to be the last time they were on their feet through the evening, appreciating the resilience of such an incredible woman and her determination to change the narrative.

The interview in itself would have been memorable enough. However, in addition we were treated to readings from Juliet Stevenson, Dame Kristin Scott-Thomas and Kate Winslet. What a privilege to be in the company of all of these phenomenal women.

My reflections

It has taken me time to process everything I heard that Friday evening and to gather my thoughts in to some sort of order. A week on, here are the themes that struck me the most:

Strength and resilience

What Gisele Pelicot has endured is unthinkable and yet she has come through. What is most striking is she does not see herself as brave. Rather, she emphasises that what we all have is choice. She chose not to be crushed by her past, and actively wanted to break free of victimhood. She even hopes at some point to visit her husband in prison. She wants to come face to face with him as part of her own healing.

Incredibly, she has also been able to trust again. She is now in a loving relationship with a man she adores. Her hope is to return to a life of peace, living out her days with a man who truly loves her.

We are always stronger than we think and no matter how bad things are, there is always, somehow, a way through. 

The objectification of women

At least 71 men and likely many more, thought that it was acceptable to rape a woman who was clearly unconscious, as long as they had the permission of the husband.  At the trial none of them were prepared to admit they had done anything wrong. The idea that a woman is somehow a man’s property still exists and we must not kid ourselves that this only happens in other cultures. There are a number of recent high profile cases that prove that it can, and does, happen anywhere.

The fight must go on and never stop until women’s independence, autonomy and agency are guaranteed.

Women supporting women

Every day outside the courtroom, women gathered to support Gisele in her quest for justice. Thousands of others from around the world wrote letters. They all understood what she was doing went way beyond her own story. It was theirs too.

She spoke about a young girl who was outside crying as she left the court one day. She was able to take time with her away from the media to listen to what she had been through. As she stood in the dock later in the trial, it was the same woman who came into her mind and gave her the strength to endure her time on the witness stand.

I dedicate [this fight] to all the people, women and men, throughout the world, who are victims of sexual violence. To all these victims, I want to say to them today, Look around you, you are not alone.   Gisele Pelicot

Solidarity matters. Together we can achieve the impossible. 

Hope

Most people I have talked to about the evening, have asked me if it was harrowing. I would say my overriding feeling was one of hope, which is exactly what Gisele would have wanted. Hope in what can be achieved together, hope that injustice can be addressed and trauma channelled into strength, and most of all, hope that if we are brave and refuse to accept the unacceptable, a better future will come.

***Gisele’s memoir, A Hymn To Life, is now available.

***Although the event was not recorded, Victoria Derbyshire previously interview Gisele. You can watch it on Iplayer.