Cast your mind back 6 months. A new year lay ahead, full of possibility. Whether or not you set resolutions, most people will have given some thought to how they would like 2026 to shape up. Now we have reached the halfway point, it is a good time to check in. How we choose to do this, can have a big influence on outcomes going forward.
For most people, January starts with a flourish. But high hopes can soon become nothing more than distant memories, leaving us with a feeling of failure and deja vue. Herein lies the key. According to entrepreneur Dan Sullivan and psychologist Dr Benjamin Hardy in their book The Gap and The Gain, humans have a tendency to measure ourselves against a point we have not yet reached. In so doing, the focus is on what we haven’t done, ‘the gap’ rather than what we have, ‘the gain’.
Why is this a problem?
It reinforces a negativity bias – we naturally pay more attention to problems than successes—a tendency known as negativity bias. If you only notice what’s left to accomplish, your brain has overlooked genuine progress and so missed out on the positive encouragement and motivation it provides.
‘Never enough’ thinking – by focusing on what you haven’t done rather than what you have, there is a constant feeling of never being quite enough, As many women know, this is not only draining but impacts on confidence, dramatically reducing the chances of success.
It encourages unhealthy comparison – the “gap” often leads comparison with others.,,,and naturally it will only ever be with those you perceive as doing better. Research shows that this kind of social comparison lowers self-esteem and life satisfaction as well as impacting on results.
If you have experienced any of the things I have listed above, it’s natural to shy away from instigating change and falling short again. Equally, it takes courage to be honest with yourself about where life’s ‘gaps’ might be – maintaining the status quo is much easier.
However, it’s also worth noting that stepping into that uncomfortable place between where you are and where you want to be, is what sparks growth and personal development. It is what gives life a sense of meaning and direction. Without it, we drift aimlessly and watch time slipping by.
I recently came across this quote:
Memento Mori. Memento Vivere.
Remember you will die. Remember to live.
Having recently attended the funeral of a dear friend, and learnt of the death of a client, and two family members of other close friends, this was even more poignant. Loss puts things into perspective. It prompts us to ask different questions. It’s about letting the awareness of life’s finiteness help us live with greater intention. In that, we each absolutely have a choice and, indeed, a responsibility.
Looking back at the year so far, we can start by celebrating the ‘gains’. Highlighting the positives doesn’t make us complacent—it reminds us that we’re capable and gives us the fuel we need to continue the journey. After that it’s about embracing the power of the ‘gaps’, uncomfortable though they are, to work out what we need to do to make us feel more alive.
There’s 6 months left of the year – let’s make maximum aliveness our goal!
This is so true. My nephew recently completed the amazing feat of cycling from Tower Bridge in London to Sydney Harbiur Bridge. It took a year with many of the images captured on line for everyone to see. But I was curious. How do you follow an experience like that? Does life, work and do people seem dull after such an epic journey? His reply was to look for the ‘epic’ in the everyday and in everyone nd in everything he does. His words have stuck with me. Life is not about the thrills and spills but about how you see it. There is wonder all around us.
What an incredible achievement! I am sure he is a changed person as a result. Wise words. Thanks for sharing.