Invisible women

Invisibility is a common frustration felt by women in midlife and beyond. Some report that their voice frequently goes unheard, or the attention they once commanded is no longer guaranteed. It always takes me aback when I hear it, as it is very much at odds with my own perception of those same women. Never having felt that way myself, I wanted to delve deeper into the reasons why it may be happening and, more importantly, what can be done to change it.

 Why might it happen?

1. Society overvalues youth

In Western society in particular, women have been brought up to believe that their worth is somehow tied to youth. Although things are slightly improving, it is still rare to see older women at the head of businesses, or starring in leading roles. The beauty industry brazenly promotes age as something to be afraid of in order to sell more products. Age regularly features at the butt of jokes.

In allowing this bias towards youth to continue unchecked, society is effectively suggesting that ageing is synonymous with insignificance. It is easy to see how this could take its toll on the way midlife women feel about themselves.

But…

What is important to remember, is that this is conditioning and not reality. It needs to be questioned at every turn. Life stage does not equate to relevance. Value does not diminish with the numbers of years we have been on the planet, it actually increases. Other societies have long known and appreciated this.

2. Changing roles and responsibilities

Moving between different life phases brings its own issues. If women have provided the main childcare, then as children leave home, there may be a temporary lack of purpose that is easy to mistake for irrelevance. Similarly, moving from working full time into retirement often reveals how much of one’s identity was caught up in the job. This loss of ‘status’ can be problematic and have an unexpected impact on confidence and self-worth.

But..

Transitions are not disappearances. They are openings for reinvention and new possibilities.

3. Shifts in attention

Throughout life, different groups garner attention. Younger women typically receive the most…although not always for the right reasons! Some women may feel that diminishes with age.

But…

Rather than lamenting the lack of attention, it is perhaps more important to ask oneself why it should matter to you?

4. Internal ageism

Even strong, confident women can be subconsciously influenced by society’s messages. This in turn can impact behaviour. If you have been constantly told that ageing makes you less relevant, as the years go by, you may begin unwittingly to play out that role creating a damaging vicious circle. If you don’t expect to be seen, you may engage less, choose not to speak up, or shrink your presence without meaning to. In these circumstances, invisibility feels like a fact when in reality it is a habit formed by a narrative that simply needs to change.

But…

We may not be able to change societal beliefs overnight but we can work on our own. By identifying our limiting beliefs and stepping beyond them, we have the choice to respond differently. In so doing, we can challenge expectations instead of reinforcing them. We also learn to find internal rather than external validation.

Let’s get visible!

In researching for this piece, I came across a great article in The Guardian about a lady who decided to use invisibility to her advantage. If noone was going to notice her, then she figured she could get away with doing all sorts of inappropriate things. As an artist, she started to paint images of older women dancing in tutus on walls around Ballarat, a town in Victoria, Australia. They were purposely designed to challenge outdated stereotypes.

I love to take every opportunity to spread the idea of how visibility, agency and joy is possible and erasure not inevitable. Deborah Wood

We have lots of artists in the group – how cool would it be to do something similar around South West London?!

Here are some perhaps more conventional strategies:

1. Show up for yourself

Visibility isn’t just about being noticed by others. For example:

• Wearing what makes you feel fantastic, not what you think you “should” wear for your age.
• Not being afraid to express opinions and speak your truth.
• Being unapologetically true to yourself and doing the things you enjoy.

Confidence and being at ease with yourself stands out.

2. Challenge ageist narratives

When someone implies that ageing is negative or limiting, call it out. Better still, prove them wrong by the way you live you life.

Equally don’t forget to challenge yourself. Linking age to a particular situation (and it’s usually a negative one) eg knee pain or back pain, is both unhelpful and often simply incorrect.

3. Live large not small

Throw off the shackles of limitation and see age as a catalyst for expansion. Learn a new skill, get involved in a new hobby, start a business, write a book, train for a 5K….whatever floats your boat. Having passion and purpose creates a renewed sense of energy which is impossible to conceal.

Looking around the Me Spot community, I see a group of older women who are full of wisdom, shaped by life experience, and totally inspirational. But the most important thing is how you see yourselves. We all need to build a clear sense of our own value, and refuse to fade in to the background. Visibility comes from owning your space, making your voice heard, and living out your dreams. We owe it to ourselves and to the women who follow us.

2026 is around the corner – stand up, stand out!